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- Nova Prescott, moderator
WHO ARE YOU GOING WITH?
“I’m going with my girlfriend who lives in Canada. Oh, man. I haven’t checked to see if she needs a ride.”
– Rolo
“Well, I’ve heard that the person who plans the Prom kind of goes with the entire class. I heard that from my Mom, and it was in her ‘supportive voice’ . . . so, I don’t know yet.”
– Nova Prescott
“What? And spoil the surprise?”
– Tyler Barso
“I appreciate the help, but I’ll handle the gossip around here, okay? By the way, I just found out my date’s parents went to Prom together. So, that might set up some unrealistic expectations.”
Are you ready to come under our wings, little Brotegés? We have knowledge! Prom is TOMORROW!!!!!!! Have you thought about it yet? Let’s talk details, RAPID FIRE!!!!
YOUR RIDE
Cancel that limo, bros. Invest that money in your own ride.
Get some sick rims. Walk your date around the whole car before getting in. She will be impressed.
Get some air freshener that smells like a pine forest or a banana.
Clean out your car. If another girl’s number is in there, throw it out. Be respectful and take out any personal effects from your secret girlfriends.
BODY SPRAY
How much is too much?
That’s the eternal question and a good one. It’s Prom, so you’ll need waaaaaaay more than usual. You need to announce your presence before you enter a room.
HER PARENTS
You need make try and make an effort. Flirt with her Mom
Moms like to be beautiful and special. The daughter is going to look super sick, so she might seem a little left out - make her feel comfortable in her own home.
It also shows Dad that you’re on his level. You’ve got the same taste in women, bro! That’s gonna put him at ease.
YOUR DATE
It’s not all about you. You’re gonna look sick, but you’ve got to give her the time to get just as sick as you. Show up a half hour late to give her extra time.
Be supportive. Show her photos of the hottest girls you know. Why do you think they spend so much time looking at magazines? They like to have a yardstick to measure themselves by.
Guys in a relationship, you know it’s about honesty. Maybe she needs more makeup, or less makeup, but be upfront with constructive criticism, like “Show more mid-drift.” . . . she will appreciate it.
In closing, keep your date from looking busted on prom.
POSTED BY Prom Bulletin @ 3:00 PM on Thursday, April 28, 2011
All right, guys. This is it . . . crunch time.
Try not to panic – there are several hundred girls in your school.
They can’t ALL have dates already, right?
Right?
Here’s hoping.
And here’s some ideas on scoring that last-minute date to Prom:
Stand outside the back door. When a girl opens the door, position yourself so you get hit in the face by the door. She’ll feel so bad that she will have to take you to Prom. Also, you’ll need to learn something about eye make-up after that.
Go to the local movie theater and buy a ticket for a romantic comedy. Sit next to a random girl in the theatre and do whatever she does – laugh, cry, all of it. She’ll think you’re the most sensitive guy around!
Time to expand your search. Go somewhere where people gather: The mall. The grocery store. The DMV. Try out your Prom asks on some new faces.
Transform your appearance. Haircut, spray tan, maybe some colored contacts – if they don’t recognize you, you can re-ask some girls who turned you down before!
Okay, go with me on this one – take out your cell phone. Go through the address book. Call every girl in there. Leave out “Mom” and “Grandma”, but everyone else is fair game. Oh, and don’t call my sister Tess. That would be weird. How would you have her number anyway?
POSTED BY Ali @ 1:13 PM on Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It’s happening on Friday. The biggest event of our high school lives happens in three days.
It’s Breadstick Day in the cafeteria. Two breadstick limit.
Also, that Prom thing is happening.
In other news:
A teacher extends deadline for senior papers by a week so students “can enjoy their Prom” . . . And people think I don’t take school seriously.
Prom tickets are sold out. Since the school decides how many tickets can exist, this seems needless cruel. But also, kind of funny.
Prom Girl seems ready to explode with a combination of joy and stress. Whoever is in charge of wind her up in the morning –you’re doing it wrong.
Some guy can’t find a date. If no one says yes, his Prom will be ruined. If you say yes, your Prom will be ruined. So, your call.
Everyone seems to wonder who will be crowned Prom King & Queen . . . because there’s not already enough useless talk about meaningless royalty and their lavish parties these days.
If you’re looking for something to do this weekend, I hear you can watch paint dry on the side of the “B” Building.